Singing the Bite Me Song

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December 03, 2005

John at AMERICAblog wants to see Ann Coulter's penis

Link: AMERICAblog: Ann Coulter's penis, not that she has one, but I've never seen evidence to the contrary .

Noting that Coulter is busy insinuating that Representative John Murtha may not have really earned the Purple Hearts he got in Vietnam, because she's never seen the physical evidence of them, John starts wondering what Coulter may be hiding that we've never seen evidence of either...

It is a stunning bit of logic that Coulter (and John at AMERICAblog) both apply, but they are not the first to use it.

You may have to tax your memory, but think back to when Iraq was forced to account for the WMDs the U.S. was accusing it of having, back when Saddam's Iraq sent over that 1,200 (or was it 12,000?) page report to the U.N., the one that the U.S. waylaid on the way to the U.N. and managed to excise a few hundred pages or so.

Well, within one day, hell, maybe hours, of that report's reception at the U.N., the U.S. was blanketing the world with statements of stunning logic and reasoning, saying to the effect that Saddam's government had NOT PROVEN that they DIDN'T have the weapons they said they didn't have.

Right up there with Ann Coulter's invisible penis, isn't it? If we can't see the evidence that it's not there, then that surely must be lockdown logic that it's there.

So step right up, Anny-Girl, let's see the proof that you don't have a penis.

And remember, just like with Iraq, a bunch of photographs with stunning evidence of ABSENCE simply is not sufficient. Because, as the Bush administration so aptly pointed out, just because we can't see them doesn't mean they aren't there (and Donald Rumsfeld knows all about those known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns).

For those who are fond of Aristotilian Venn diagrams, you can make a fun game of this to play over the holidays! It's called "Prove Ann Coulter Has a Penis!" or "Find the Missing WMDs in Iraq," your pick.

First draw a big circle. Label it as the set of all things Ann Coulter. Now draw another circle inside that circle, and label it a set called "empty space where a penis might be if there were one."

Outside the big circle, draw another big circle and label it a set of ALL the penises in the world (has to be a big circle, because they wave them around so often, build monuments to them with obelisks, rockets, guns, etc.).

Now the real trick of this game is to show that the apparent empty space circle inside Ann Coulter's circle PROVES that the big penis circle should overlap with Ann Coulter's circle.

If you can do this, YOU WIN the Miasma Bite Me Song special prize! And for extra credit, you can also prove Iraq has WMDs the same way, and get the Senate to give you war powers to go find them. Don't worry. It should be as easy as looking for Ann Coulter's penis!


December 3, 2005 at 01:11 AM in Best Essays, Favorite Links, Rhetoric, Singing the Bite Me Song | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack