In some ways, the life of Susan Barnes was not what it seemed.
People who lived near her often did not realize that she was so well-loved by so many friends around the world, people who met her in different contexts, in different groups, both online and off, but always felt and remembered the warmth of her personality, her spirit, her approach to life.
I first knew Susan Barnes as "Alaska," before she was a doctor, and before she ever moved to Alaska, a dream she held in her heart for a long time, a dream she got to live. It's so hard to believe I've known her for 10 years now and lived vicariously through her many adventures, some more harrowing than others.
Here's a recent picture she loved of her Alaska home:
I built this site after talking to others who have known her online, who are grieving at the loss, all around the world. We can't come to a funeral service, and Susan lived in Haines, Alaska, which is too remote to get to even if we could (although she always wanted us to come and visit on vacation!).
Looking at this picture, you can see why. Click on it to see a larger version, to better see the moose and swans in the background.
But if Susan lived as fully in the virtual world as in the physical, then maybe this can be a place where we can remember her in our own kind of memorial service in cyberspace, a place to gather our memories, pictures, and thoughts for someone who was a very special lady.
I still can't believe her voice, her presence, is gone, that she won't just pop into my email box with another tale, pictures of her "boxer girls," or just some wry commentary on my usual BS.
I wanted to make a place where we can celebrate her life, even the invisible parts of her life, hidden across the web of cyberspace, beneath the tip of her Alaskan iceberg.
So here's a place for us to remember her, and we can't have a memorial service without some music, and here's something to play as you visit the site.
Download MP3 of Jennifer Nettles, "A Place for You."
Don't forget to sign the guestbook! And if you have photos, music, or your own artwork to share, send them on and I'll add them to the mix.
Welcome.
Chris Boese
I knew Susan only via the Boxer list on the internet, yet felt as if she was my friend. I wrote her individually just because her warmth and intelligence were so obvious through her messages, and I wanted to start a dialogue with her. And we wrote often, sharing thoughts and just chatting about our dogs. I found her to be, in a word, genuine. For me, that's a quality hard to find these days. She had a profound love of people and of her dogs. I didn't know her family circumstances, and she never spoke of her family.
But at a time in my life when I felt terribly alone and really depressed, Susan was there. From thousands of miles away, she wrote me from her heart, and while she may not have fully known the effect they had, her words and her kindness saw me through.
I was away from my home, caring for a relative who was dying, and caring for my mother, age 89, who was beginning to show signs of cognitive impairment. Susan's emails made me feel as if she was there beside me, seeing me through it all. She didn't simply say, I'm so sorry, I wish there was something I could do, but she detailed her own thoughts in a way that slipped into my consciousness as pure kindness and caring. We connected. Her words gave me great comfort, especially when I found myself having to join with others to finally make a decision to withdraw life support from my uncle. I so wish that I had known of her turmoil and pain; I would have tried to help.
In my experience, when a calming presence was all that was needed, Susan was there.
At those times when the unexplainable needed to be explained, Susan was there.
When a gentle touch, a firm push, or an encouraging word was needed, Susan was there.
To witness humanity, its beauty, in good times and in bad, Susan was there.
To embrace the woes of the world, willingly, and offer hope, Susan was there.
And now that it is time to be beside her maker, Susan is there!
At 6 pm EDT yesterday, just as Haines honored her with a memorial, I lit a candle and offered prayer for my friend, her galz, and Dianne Nelson, Susan's angel who is caring for the galz. While I do not know anything of Susan's religious beliefs, I thought of a little-known hymn which I felt was appropriate. I hope you don't mind me sharing it here:
I honor her goodness and treasure my memories in my heart. Godspeed and God bless you Susan.
Shelley Saunders