In Memory of Dr. Susan Barnes

Hadas (Helen) Rivera-Weiss writes an open letter to Susan

[Hadas sent this great "Alaska or Bust!" shot from 1990, when she went with Susan on a trip to Alaska with a WAY overloaded trailer that later broke off the hitch. cb]

 

Hey Susan.

I bet you’re checking this website.  I apologize for the grief I caused you and totally forgive you for any grief you caused me.

I’m sorry for all the pain doled out to you and endured by you both in your childhood and adulthood. I wish people didn’t fear and hate the fact that you were gay and butch.  I’m so sorry so many were so awful about your size.  I’m most sorry for the self-loathing you embodied as a direct result of the meanness heaped on you.  I wish more people would have known the extent of pain you were in.  I regret that I and others who might have known how much pain you were in were unable to help you break down enough of what plagued you. 

It saddens me how much physical and emotional pain you were in before and after your weight-loss surgery.  I wonder what if you weren’t emotionally isolated.  I’m truly sorry that you couldn’t see a way out of your pain and that your pain surpassed your pleasure in life.

I respect your right to end your misery while I mourn the loss of your actual and potential gifts to the world.  You were f-ing smart, perceptive, funny, compassionate, strong, competent, responsible, and generous. 

Thank you for everything positive you sent my way, for your politics, and for shaping who I am today.

Hadas (Helen) Rivera-Weiss

 

[Hadas also sent some pictures of Susan from 1989, the earliest I think I've gotten.

This one at left is from a camping trip she was on with Susan, and she notes that Susan still had her tattoos in this shot. She'd later had them removed when she went to med school.

Aren't you curious about the underwear in the bushes back there? I am.

The shot below is from San Francisco Gay Pride 1989, an event Hadas says Susan hated to miss.

This particular picture is significant because she's wearing the "famous" (or infamous?) sunglasses.  cb]

From the Guestbook: Terri Latta-Soja on how the Boxer Mailing List reacts to Susan's death

I spent a lot of time thinking of Susan this week. I knew her from the Boxer Mailing List and even though we never met in person, her emails often touched me or made me laugh.

After her death, the list opened up to discussions of many things "non" Boxer, as people talked about depression or their surgery problems or being gay.

I don't think Susan ever realized the impact she had on people and even in death she got people to talk about things that they normally keep to themselves.

Godspeed Susan, we'll miss you!

Terri Latta-Soja