In Memory of Dr. Susan Barnes

Anchorage Memorial Service for Susan is Saturday, Sept 2 starting at 6 pm; formal service at 7 pm

I received the notice below from two sources, one saying 6 pm and one saying 6:30 pm. My guess is that if you show up at 6 p, you'll have it covered, and the formal part of the service starts at 7 pm. I sort of edited and combined the two notices, but thank you to Hosanna and Vic for adding them to the site! I tried to put it in a format so anyone can copy and paste below and send it on to whomever you like.

There will be a CELEBRATION OF LIFE FOR SUSAN BARNES Saturday, September 2nd, 2006 starting at 6 P.M. in Anchorage. This notice was posted on the Grrlz List - a weekly e-mail connecting the Womyn's Community in Anchorage:

Everyone is invited to a Potluck and Sing-A-Long, yes everyone! It is a gathering to celebrate the life of one of our own Susan Barnes. Susan enjoyed Sing-A-Longs and Potlucks - so it is in her memory that we gather and in her spirit of building community - we invite everyone. Out North Theater has graciously offered us the use of their space on Sat, Sept 2, 2006 at 6 pm. Come join us. Bring a dish to share, an instrument and song book if you have them. We will try to have as many of the song books from “back in the day.” Most importantly, bring your hearts open to singing and building community. Contact Lynne at 563-0757 for more information. ... RIP sister-friend.

Hosanna adds:

Had she only been able to receive this love that is so expressed nationally on this site! I am humbled, and it is our privilege to pay tribute to her. I am not a writer. After her Celebration of Life, I will ask someone to assist me in putting down the history of these last 3 weeks.

I loved reading oysters, chocolate, and martini's! This, after we had them on the menu for Saturday. Xena and friends, pictures etc. will be there too!

[wish I could send my six-foot cardboard Xena standee... cb]

You all will be there with us and we will toast you, with Susan, at 7:00. Alaska time. We have her here and will take her to Homer before the snow flies, along with Junebug and Maggie.

We remain grateful and thank you for all of your many supports. 

Namaste, Hosanna

For those "Outside," as they say in Alaska, 7 pm Alaska time is 11 pm Eastern Time. You should be able to figure it out from there.

And just to bump it up to the top of the site, here's all the music that's been posted here, including the famous Xena funeral song, performed by Lucy Lawless.

Download Lucy Lawless singing the Xena funeral song she wrote for the show.

Download MP3 of Jennifer Nettles, "A Place for You."

Download 17_funeral_dance.mp3

Download 07_gabby_dance.mp3 

From the Guestbook: Dawn Thompson regrets only knowing the cyber-Susan

[One of Susan's shots looking out on the port at Haines, Alaska, where she wrote to many of us online, sometimes from an apartment, sometimes from her small trailer. cb]

I am kicking myself now. I had the opportunity to meet Susan when she lived in San Francisco, but our schedules just never seemed to mesh. You always think there will be a later.

We shared many stories of our boxers, and the silliness that accompanies having these wonderful creatures in our lives. We commiserated about rescue, and attempting to be foster homes. Her experience was unsuccessful, and she had to give up fostering, ours was unsuccessful in that our foster came to stay for good.

Such a giving and loving person. I cannot even begin to express how big her heart was. I loved reading her posts about Alaska. It is someplace I have always wanted to go, and my husband and I have been planning a visit in the next year or two, and Susan offered to let us stay with her while we were up there. I was very much looking forward to it.

I read with great interest her post about finding a dog nanny...and spoke to her about it. How I wish an opportunity like that had come my way when I was younger. I would have dropped everything and high tailed it to Alaska.

I didnt know about her love for the Xena show, and the fandom that surrounded it. I wish I had. I myself am not a huge fan of it, but many of my friends are, and I would love to have introduced her to them.

Susan..... I never had the privilege of meeting you in person.... but you have made such an impact in my life. I feel such sorrow that you have gone. That I will never get to read of your wonderful adventures... that I have lost someone in my life that cared so much, and gave their friendship completely and totaly, with no holding back, and no strings attached. That is such a rare thing.

I feel that I have failed in friendship to you.... I should have written more. I should have asked more questions. I should have listened better. I miss you, my friend.

Dawn Thompson

From the Guestbook: Martha Radetsky remembers swinging and singing bad '70s songs

I've known Susan since we were in our early/mid twenties.... a thousand or so years ago. I just heard this morning that she is gone. It is difficult news. My friendship with Susan has often been a rocky road and we were in the middle (or so I thought) of a rather rocky stretch. I loved her and I know she knew that, but she also knew I was angry at her, and I'm feeling bad about that. I hold on to stupid, petty things for too long, and before you know it it's too late to say I'm sorry.

Well Susan, I am sorry. Sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. And I'm angry that you couldn't find a way to let me know. I thought things were better in Haines.

In our youth, Susan and I would go up to the swings at Alamo Square Park late at night and sing really bad 70's songs (imagine "Billy Don't Be a Hero" at the top of our lungs) while swinging madly. It was fun. I mean REALLY FUN!

I first knew Susan in San Francisco and later visited her in LA (UCLA for her MPH),in The Bronx (med school), and finally last summer in Alaska. It was a strained visit as Susan was working a swing shift and trying to entertain me and she wasn't getting much sleep... but we managed to have fun anyway. She took me whale watching and caving and I got to ride in a float plane.

I am not a dog person, never have been, but I've know Shubert since the first day Susan met her and they were so good together. She loved her other dogs too, of course, but they were really initially there to be company for Shubert. It was so much fun to watch Susan with her girls. So much love. I'm so glad they have found a loving home.

Has anybody told Claudine? A friend from med school? And Claud, if you read this call me. You can google for my number.

Martha Radetsky

From the Guestbook: alwayslooking on Susan's personal battles

When I think of Susan, I remember the battle between what she wanted to be doing and the burdens she carried in doing it, both financial and personal.

Then I look at that great picture of her with her dogs in the snow, and remember the glee with which she talked about that particular moment, and figure this is a portrait of the loving and caring person behind all the pressures.

I never had an opportunity to meet Susan, though I dreamed of getting to Alaska. She'd have made a great destination. I admired her work in small places which desperately needed her help, and her willingness to search for the right post, even if it meant making tough decisions. No decision must have been tougher than this one, though. I hope she has found peace.

alwayslooking/Frances

From the Guestbook: Terri Latta-Soja on how the Boxer Mailing List reacts to Susan's death

I spent a lot of time thinking of Susan this week. I knew her from the Boxer Mailing List and even though we never met in person, her emails often touched me or made me laugh.

After her death, the list opened up to discussions of many things "non" Boxer, as people talked about depression or their surgery problems or being gay.

I don't think Susan ever realized the impact she had on people and even in death she got people to talk about things that they normally keep to themselves.

Godspeed Susan, we'll miss you!

Terri Latta-Soja

From the Guestbook: Shelley Saunders thinking of Susan at the time of her memorial service

I knew Susan only via the Boxer list on the internet, yet felt as if she was my friend. I wrote her individually just because her warmth and intelligence were so obvious through her messages, and I wanted to start a dialogue with her. And we wrote often, sharing thoughts and just chatting about our dogs. I found her to be, in a word, genuine. For me, that's a quality hard to find these days. She had a profound love of people and of her dogs. I didn't know her family circumstances, and she never spoke of her family.

But at a time in my life when I felt terribly alone and really depressed, Susan was there. From thousands of miles away, she wrote me from her heart, and while she may not have fully known the effect they had, her words and her kindness saw me through.

I was away from my home, caring for a relative who was dying, and caring for my mother, age 89, who was beginning to show signs of cognitive impairment. Susan's emails made me feel as if she was there beside me, seeing me through it all. She didn't simply say, I'm so sorry, I wish there was something I could do, but she detailed her own thoughts in a way that slipped into my consciousness as pure kindness and caring. We connected. Her words gave me great comfort, especially when I found myself having to join with others to finally make a decision to withdraw life support from my uncle. I so wish that I had known of her turmoil and pain; I would have tried to help.

In my experience, when a calming presence was all that was needed, Susan was there.

At those times when the unexplainable needed to be explained, Susan was there.

When a gentle touch, a firm push, or an encouraging word was needed, Susan was there.

To witness humanity, its beauty, in good times and in bad, Susan was there.

To embrace the woes of the world, willingly, and offer hope, Susan was there.

And now that it is time to be beside her maker, Susan is there!

At 6 pm EDT yesterday, just as Haines honored her with a memorial, I lit a candle and offered prayer for my friend, her galz, and Dianne Nelson, Susan's angel who is caring for the galz. While I do not know anything of Susan's religious beliefs, I thought of a little-known hymn which I felt was appropriate. I hope you don't mind me sharing it here:

O Love, that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Light, that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to Thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy, that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross, that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee;
I lay in dust life's glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

I honor her goodness and treasure my memories in my heart. Godspeed and God bless you Susan.

Shelley Saunders

From the Guestbook: Debbie Cauble on making each day count

The ripples of Susan's life continue to wash over us. How fully she loved life and loved her beautiful Alaska. How passionately and selflessly she cared for other people and other living beings, including her beloved boxers. How spiritedly she embraced adventure and change and fun. How much she had to bear, and how little some of us knew about that.

In the days since Susan left us people have reached out to others in many ways. In life and beyond life, she had so much more impact than she ever knew. I'll never forget this wonderful complex woman that I never quite got up to see when she lived in San Francisco. Like Terry I never thought there wouldn't be a later.

In Susan's honor and memory, I'm going to try to not let life pass me by, and work on being more attuned to what others may be suffering.

Nola's comment really struck me - that Susan's passion for life never changed, even as she chose to end her own.

My heart goes out to all of Susan's wide circle of friends, and especially those closest to her.

Debbie Cauble   

From the Guestbook: Terry Holthus on Susan bringing pancakes in Sand Point

[one of Susan's photos of Sand Point, Alaska]

Susan,

I wasn't blessed with your companionship for very long, but you made a very positive, life long, impact on my daughters, boxers & myself. You were always so positive, with a loving, open, helping heart. When I first met you, it seemed like we had known each other before. It was so easy to talk to you about such a variety of subjects.

When the girls were sick, you made lots of house calls, & I never even had to ask you to. The first time you made your pancakes, with all of that fresh fruit, for breakfast...well, the girls wanted to go to your house for breakfast every day. No matter how often I found my daughters at your house, talking with you & playing with your girls, you were always happy they had made thier way over, & disappointed when I had to take them back home.

When I needed a boxer fix, Cricket, Shubert, Bailey & you were always more than will to help out. I remember finally getting my boxer pups coming, but couldn't find a way to get them here from Anchorage. You helped all you could. In the end you ended up being in Anchorage & being more help than I had ever imagined.

My two new babies came in nasty crates, after their 6 hour flight. You weren't bothered at all. We loaded them into your truck, & went back to the hotel to clean it all up for the next flight. They looked & smelled beautiful for their arrival into my daughters' hands. I was sure to tell the girls how much cleaning you had to help me with, as well as cuddling the new pups, just to get them ready.

I can only hope Cricket, Shubert & Bailey are in a good, loving home, & still together. I know they are mourning thier mother/friend & wondering where you are. You were/are thier life, as they were yours. I wish I wouldn't have put off answering your emails. I thought my life was to busy to reply & I would get to it later. Guess I never thought there wasn't going to be a later. I hope you are happy & at peace.

We will miss you dearly Susan! Thank you for opening this page. It has been nice being able to see how much she was loved & will be missed by many.

Terry Holthus from Sand Point

From the Guestbook: Christine Hamric remembers how xalaska's personality came through right off the screen

"xalaska" ...

You know, I always moved a little closer to my screen and prepared myself for another enthralling story whenever I saw that name identifying the sender on our "Boxer List" group. I knew another story about Susan Barnes was at hand. I could count on that. A great story. A few moments of pleasant escape into a true-life adventure.

At those times I'd ponder: Who IS this person, "xalaska" aka Susan Barnes? She seemed to me to be a vulnerable young girl on her own in life with her dogs to protect, who shared some of her joys and challenges in San Francisco who eventually undertook a journey toward a new life in Alaska.

She was doing this alone, and we could relate to her occasional trepidations of the task ahead. Well, of course, she made it. She settled in and reported back to the group the many milestones of her new life.

Sure, I was interested in her because of the dogs our group had in common -- heaven knows how much she loved those Boxers, and we all related to that. But I found her especially magnetic because of her somewhat bigger than life stories and the way she told them.

It wasn't until a couple of days ago, after the news of her passing, that I became aware of the details of her life. My relationship with Susan was quite simple. She blessed me with occasional stories which she posted to our Boxer group. I am shocked and deeply saddened by the news of her passing, and am now thankful to have some closure through reading what others are sharing about this lovely person.

She was an active contributor to our Boxer newsgroup. I'm going to miss that. God speed, xalaska. Thank you for the adventures. Run now with Maggie and Junebug.

Christine Hamric
San Diego, CA
www.boxerfancy.com

From the Guestbook: Cathy's great shot of Susan as "Ed the Sock"

[Cathy says this photo was taken during a parade in Vancouver, British Columbia. cb]

I knew Susan from the grand days of Xena fandom, and did some travelling with her to the Canadian Rockies and she visited me here in Florida for a few days.

One of my favorite vacations was the trip she went on with me and Minda from Calgary to Jasper in the Rockies. The scenery was spectacular. It was quite an adventure. Susan had a great smile and a wonderful sense of humor.

The many friends she made from Xena and her Boxer dog organizations meant alot to her.

She would be blown away by all these tributes, and I'm sure she never realized her much she was loved by all of you.

Maybe we can learn something by this. Reach out, call that friend you have been neglecting. Send an e-mail or call. Plan a get-together.

I have a trip to Vancouver planned soon to visit with Tam, Minda and Demeter. We will toast Susan's life over a glass of wine and remember the fun times we all had together. She would really like that.

Cathy