In Memory of Dr. Susan Barnes

From the Guestbook: Suzun Brackenbury looks back on 27 years knowing Susan

I have known Susan for more than half of my life; 27 years we considered each other family.

She was my first love at the age of 25. She has been a true friend through out the last 27 years of my life. As friends sometimes do there have been times when we hadn't seen or heard from each other for months but when we did reconnect it was as if no time at all had passed.

Before she moved to AK, for the third or fourth time I can't remember, she threw a fabulous going away party ; she went all out for her friends/ family. That woman knew how to throw a wonderful party! I was happy to stay and help with the garage sale and subsequent packing up for the trip the following day.

That day in March Susan, Johann and the galz were to make the journey to Vancouver and ultimately AK. With promises to call, write and visit she was gone. It was the last time I saw that million dollar smile and those wonderful "Galz"... March 2005.

She reached AK; there were emails and a few phone calls with talk of my visiting in the summer 2006. It had been a couple of months since we last spoke but through emails we had planned a visit to her this summer in her beloved Alaska. I was to finally get to see why she love that particular place on the planet. Though through emails with digial photos it was easy to see the Alaska lure.

Unfortunately my health kept me from making the trip and I figured there would always be the fall or next summer; not so! I figured my friends will always be a phone call, email or a visit away. Susan's passing wakes me to our mortality as humans and to connect with those I most love. I deeply regret not giving her a call when I thought of her which was almost daily.

Reminders of Susan occur in my life daily; seeing Boxers romping in the dog park, listening to music, watching independent films especially Eraserhead and other quirky films; for instance just the other day I saw A Scanner Darkly I thought: "Oh I gotta tell Susan to go see this one or rent it when it comes out on video." I did not make that call thinking: "there's always tomorrow." With this knowledge I have made those calls to friends and family in the days since hearing of her taking her own life. Making sure those dear to me know exactly that!

I knew she had been depressed about many things in her life yet was extremely happy to have found "the most beautiful place on earth" to live and with her beloved "galz" and her "great job as the medical director in Haines". I had hoped those things that were going right and the galz she held most precious would sustain her through her physical, emotional and financial pain. Tragically I was wrong.

A deep thank you to Dianne Nelson for taking in the galz Cricket, Bailey and Shubert at Susan's request. Let it be known if anyone wishes to make a donation in Susan's send it to the care of her "galz" via Diane Nelson (see the post from Leah for the address). There is a memorial being planned at UCSF (where Susan worked before this last move to AK ) as I write this post. Will post the particulars when I know more.

Great appreciation and healing energy going out to Hosanna and Katt for speaking with her parents asking them to allow her friends / chosen family see to her remains and personal effects. It means so much to me knowing that "they" are not in charge. My deep gratitude to you two Hosanna and Katt for doing what must be one of the hardest things you have done. I have had that responsiblity more than once and know it is a tremendouly difficult task. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring and being there for Susan. She had spoken of you often to me in her emails and phone calls. So many friends of Susan's I had yet to meet but feel we all share the bond of knowing such a brilliant, warm, generous, thoughtful, intellegent, bright, funny and loving friend/warrior Susan Barnes.

She was an expert wordsmith whom could paint glorious pictures of her beloved Alaska. I am saddened I will never again get an email update on the Alaskan adventures she and the "galz" would have taken with full travel log including photos.

Perhaps I will make a trek to Alaska someday to see the galz and the beauty of Haines if my health permits; pay homage to my friend/family of choice, Susan, aka Alaska.

M'dear Susan, go with dogspeed to join Maggie, be surrounded by boxers kisses and much love. Go now and run with the dogs, romp and play where there is ony lightness and energy.

Dogspeed to you m'dear you are missed more than is possible to express. In my heart you are always there .... my friend my family.

Suzun Brackenbury

The last friends to visit Susan share info on what happened

 

Leah and Tony just returned from a vacation in Alaska, and Susan also took some vacation time to travel around the state with them. They took several of the pictures on this site, generously sharing the photos and this background info about the circumstances surrounding Susan's death.

It is hard to know our friend was having such a hard time, but I am glad that Leah is willing to share this information, and she asked that I post it up here.

Also note in bold below, Leah's suggestion for another recipient for memorial donations.

Chris

As you all know by now, Dr. Susan Barnes died on Saturday August 5, 2006.  She took her own life, using an IV.  Since she was  a physician, it is reasonable to hope that it was swift and painless.. She did so in the confines of her trailer with her 3 dogs beside her.

Susan was in a great deal of pain. As some of you may know, Susan had gastric bypass surgery several years ago and since then has had major complications. She developed rickets (due to an inability to absorb Vitamin D, which helps us use Calcium) and therefore her bones were brittle and painful. Aside from the physical pain, Susan was very isolated in Haines, Alaska but chose to live there because of its incredible beauty.  She worked in a small clinic where she worked almost 7 days a week, often for 18 hours a day. She had very few close friends, but did have one really close friend with whom she had been on the phone with the night she died.

Susan also maintained no contact with her family. They did Christmas cards every couple of years and that’s about all. She told me that she didn’t know if her parents were dead or alive. They had disowned her for being gay, many years ago.

Susan was also terribly in debt. When she graduated medical school she was $300,000 in debt which grew into $800,000.

As you can imagine, she felt trapped and hopeless. We had discussed alternate career plans. If she had claimed bankruptcy she would lose her license to practice medicine.

For those of you who didn’t know her well. Susan had an incredible heart and was incredibly generous. Her biggest love was her 3 rescue boxers.  When we were there, we traveled with she and her dogs and I remember saying to my partner, “if it weren't for those dogs, I would be concerned that Susan would kill herself."

She was very sad and depressed but I am truly glad that she enjoyed the vacation we all had together.

Her dogs are safe and sound in a boarding place for dogs, run by a Dianne Nelson. Diane has assured me that the dogs will be well looked after. She told me that she had asked Susan for an emergency contact number just in case something ever happened while the dogs were in her care. Susan had mentioned that there.  Dianne said she would be happy to take them in an emergency if she needed. Susan spoke very highly about the way that this woman treated her dogs and that they had lots of space to run around. One of her dogs is fairly ill and needs regular medical treatment.

I have been in touch with some people from Alaska named Hosanna and Katt. Susan’s body is in a funeral home in Anchorage and the police have gotten in touch with Susan’s family. We are in the process of trying to contact the family to let us take care of her remains. Susan told me that Homer, Alaska was the most beautiful place on Earth. We would like to have her cremated and have her ashes scattered there. Her friends in Anchorage volunteered to help arrange this.

Many of you have asked whether you can donate some money to a charity in her name. We are requesting that if you wish to donate money, to do so to the woman who took the dogs and/or the women who arranging the cremation.

As there is no money in Susan’s estate all would be greatly appreciated. I will send this information out as soon as it is available.

Thank you all for your pouring out of attention. I wish Susan knew how much she was thought of.

Leah

 

A little Googling has turned up the address of the woman who is taking care of Susan's dogs, if you want to contact her:

Porcupine Pampered Pet Kennels
Dianne V. Nelson
33.4 Mile Haines Hwy.
HC 60 Box 3317
Haines, AK 99827
dvnelson@aptalaska.net

And if anyone is interested in donating to the women who are taking care of finalities with Susan's ashes (there was no money in her estate) here is the information:

Please make checks payable to:
Kathleen Pinette
P.O. Box 671725
Chugiak AK 99567

Update on what will happen with Susan's Ashes

Here's some more information from Leah, who is just great at keeping on top of things.

I just got off the phone with Susan's parents. They are not interested in interfering with what Susan would have wanted. Susan will be cremated tomorrow and the ashes will be taken by Susan's friends Hosanna and Katt, who live in Anchorage.

Susan's friends are very special people. I met them when I was in Anchorage when Susan hosted a fishing trip and charted a boat for all of us. Hosanna is living with MS and is a social worker on disability. When Susan talked about having her surgery reversed, Hosana told Susan to have it done and stay at her house to recuperate.

Katt drove with Susan from Anchorage to Haines so that Susan would not be alone. These are two amazing women.

if anyone is interested in donating to the women who are taking care of finalities here is the information:

Please make checks payable to:
Kathleen Pinette
P.O. Box 671725
Chugiak AK 99567

thank you all so much,
Leah

Note from the woman who is keeping Susan's dogs

From Dianne Nelson (also mentioned elsewhere on this site):

I could use some money for the meds and special foods for the girls if this is what you think Susan would want. I will give them the best care I can even if I go with out food. The vet clinic in Anchorage is sending me copies of all the medical records for the girls. Cricket has more problems than the others and Shubert has none. The poor pups are missing Susan as is a lot of people around here. She was very highly thought of as a doctor and she sure gave it her all. A lot of people will miss her.

Please feel free to have  anyone call or e-mail me if they want. My info is:

Dianne Nelson
HC 60 Box  2841
Haines, Ak 99827

Please keep in touch and I will let  you know how the girls are doing from time to time.

Sincerely,
Dianne Nelson
dvnelson@aptalaska.net

(I removed her phone number, so telemarketers can't scrape it... cb)

Anyone interested in some kind of charity memorial in Susan's name?

I'm just throwing space open for a Comments thread on this topic, as some people have suggested different ideas to me in email.

One friend thought a donation to Doctors Without Borders would be a good idea.

We can do our own thing separately, but in case anyone wanted to organize something bigger, here's some space to talk about it.

Leah, who was visiting Susan in the month before she died, also says this:

Many of you have asked whether you can donate some money to a charity in her name. We are requesting that if you wish to donate money, to do so to the woman who took the dogs and/or the women who arranging the cremation.

baermer did a little Googling and has turned up the address of the woman who is taking care of Susan's dogs, if you want to contact her:

Porcupine Pampered Pet Kennels
Dianne V. Nelson
33.4 Mile Haines Hwy.
HC 60 Box 3317
Haines, AK 99827
dvnelson@aptalaska.net

No word at this time on how to reach the women trying to arrange the cremation, or if they will be allowed to (state authorities are working with Susan's family, as far as I know at this time).

And, as baermer points out in the comments, there's no reason Doctors Without Borders and the people taking care of the final arrangements both can't be included in our thoughts.