I have most recently become very concerned about indecency, a very particular kind of indecency: naked animals waving their private parts all around who knows where, sometimes freely copulating in front of polite society.
As a result, I'm urging all my friends to join S.I.N.A, or Society for Indecency to Naked Animals. Its tireless mission is to clothe all naked animals for the sake of decency, to put "bermuda shorts on horses, jumpsuits on cats, mu-mus on cows..." with the idea that "A Nude Horse is a Rude Horse."
This clothing mandate would cover all animals that are "other domestic animals that stand higher than 4 inches or are longer than 6 inches." That means ferrets too!
Here's a bit from the group's press release. We should all encourage our friends to join and take up the cause!
The Society for Indecency to Naked Animals
(S.I.N.A.)
By Alan Abel
Last week in St. Louis I met G. Clifford Prout Jr., leader of an
unusual organization called the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals,
or S.I.N.A. for short. It is Mr. Prout's belief that all domestic
animals should wear clothing for the sake of decency. He points out
that we human beings, who are biologically animals, share our food, our
love and our homes with our pets. Then we should also share our decency
with them.
The S.I.N.A. philosophy for clothing all animals was initially
prescribed by Mr. Prout Sr., who passed away last year leaving a will
estimated at $400,000 to his son. There was a provision in that will
that the inheritance was to be spent solely for promoting decency and
morality through S.I.N.A.. Otherwise all the money would go to the
Missouri State Department of Highways for the widening of roads and
improvement of toll booths.
Since his father's passing, Cilfford Jr. has been diligently
spending vast sums of this money for his dedicated cause, traveling all
over the world, lecturing, and forming new S.I.N.A. chapters.
According to Prout, children habitually dress their dogs and
cats because of a socially learned stimulus to look decent. Little
Johnny sees his parents clothed. He looks at himself and he is clothed,
but Rover the dog is stark naked! Unable to ignore the sight of Rover's
immodesty, the child puts doll clothes on him. But how do his parents
react? They rip off the clothes, calling Johnny a sissy. He cries and
trouble begins as a double standard is permanently fixed in his little
but impressionable mind.
Mr. Prout added that when children are denied the healthy
habit of dressing their pets, they rebel against their parents, school
and community, in that order.
"Try and explain to a three-year-old girl why her cat must
remain in the nude," he said. "You can't. She becomes frustrated over
the prevailing hypocrisy and joins a gang engaged in street fighting,
muggings and robberies. School dropout, unwed mothers and other forms
of antisocial behavior called juvenile delinquency are these
youngsters' expressions of their contempt for the adult world they will
inherit. So, the sooner we clothe these naked animals the better our
chances are that we'll bring up young people to become decent
citizens.²
There are now over 25,000 honorary members of S.I.N.A. who
have taken the pledge to clothe all animals, including those of
neighbors and any strays prowling backyards. These determined moralists
carry emergency animal clothing in their cars, can spot a naked animal
at fifty feet, and then clothe him in twelve seconds flat! (Mr. Prout
himself holds the present world record for catching and dressing a dog
in nine and-a-half seconds).
Those people who wish to organize S.I.N.A. chapters in their
own communities must take an oral and written emotional stability test
to determine their general mental fitness, attitude and leadership
potential. Mr. Prout said he devised the test himself and it helps weed
out the crackpots, thrill seekers and other undesirables who would
attempt to infiltrate S.I.N.A., possibly undermining the cause.
"Decency Today Means Morality Tomorrow" is the motto composed
by Mr. Prout that is prominently displayed in every member's home,
framed on walls, carved above fireplaces, embroidered on pillow cases,
or chiseled into front sidewalks.
Mr. Prout drove me back to my motel and urged me to write the
truth about S.I.N.A.; that he wasn't spending his father's fortune
unwisely, contrary to some vicious and slanderous articles written
about him. I listened as he spoke with a quiet air of confidence and
determination usually reserved for men of importance. I was impressed.
This bespectacled man in his early thirties with the tweed jacket and
baggy pants suggested the appearance of a visiting professor in the
humanities.
As we shook hands goodbye, Mr. Prout's parting words were memorable: "Don't ever forget; a nude horse is a rude horse."
Link: Alan Abel.
This is the work of a true master, Alan Abel, and the group has been active since the 1960s. Be sure to check out a documentary about him Abel Raises Cain. I understand S.I.N.A did have some important early support from another prominent public figure, Buck Henry.
For instance, here is an account of a famous protest they conducted outside the Kennedy White House, a protest that was eventually covered by Walter Cronkite at CBS News.
...President Kennedy had
openly welcomed protest groups to picket the White House. I accepted
this offer with my wife and the doorman to our New York apartment, Bill
Moran. He was supportive of our activities, had never been to
Washington and eagerly accepted a free train ride with us on his day
off.
We arrived at our nation's capitol carrying placards and
pamphlets explaining our campaign. One sign read: "Please, Mrs.
Kennedy, clothe Caroline's horse Macaroni for the sake of decency!" It
was high noon as we three, dressed purposely in shabby clothing,
paraded back and forth in front of the magnificent White House. A
Secret Service agent took photographs and requested a handful of
leaflets before disappearing. A few years later, when I shared an
airplane seat to Cleveland with Jackie Kennedy's half-brother, Jim
Auchencloss, he explode with laughter.
"I remember that day," he said excitedly. I was an intern.
Uncle Jack watched you guys through binoculars, laughing hysterically.
My sister sat there, arms folded, and was incensed. It made the
President's day because he was so stressed out over the Cuban missile
crisis."
As we continued our picketing and passed out literature for an
hour, only one reporter asked me for an interview. Bob Goralsky with
CBS News could hardly contain his professional decorum in front of the
camera.
"Sir, are you some kind of nut?" he asked.
"No," I replied adamantly. "Nor am I perverted. Naked animals
are everywhere and must be clothed to protect our children from the
sight of indecent nudity. You tell a clothed dog to get off the couch
and he will. Naked cows grazing are actually hanging their heads in
shame because they are forced to be nudists in a clothed society. How
can you deny that? Remember, decency today means morality tomorrow!"
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