Headpiece Filled With Straw

Haiku

Humor for the holiday: Jewish Haiku

No offense is meant in posting the poems below, which were forwarded to me with no authorship noted, by a friend. The spirit feels to me lighthearted and fun. If anyone is offended, I welcome and respect your comments below.

  Lacking fins or tail

  the gefilte fish swims with

  great difficulty.

  *****

  Beyond Valium,

  peace is knowing one's child

  is an internist.

  *****

  On Passover we

  opened door for Elijah.

  Now our cat is gone.

  *****

  After the warm rain

  the sweet smell of camellias.

  Did you wipe your feet?

  *****

  Her lips near my ear,

  Aunt Sadie whispers the name

  of her friend's disease.

  *****

  Today I am a man.

  Tomorrow I will return

  to the seventh grade.

  *****

  The sparkling blue sea

  reminds me to wait an hour

  after my sandwich.

  *****

  Like a bonsai tree,

  is your terrible posture

  at my dinner table.

  *****

  Jews on safari --

  map, compass, elephant gun,

  hard sucking candies.

  *****

  The same kimono

  the top geishas are wearing:

  I got it at Loehmann's.

  *****

  Mom, please! There is no

  need to put that dinner roll

  in your pocketbook.

  *****

  Seven-foot Jews in

  the NBA slam-dunking!

  My alarm clock rings.

  *****

  Sorry I'm not home

  to take your call. At the tone

  please state your bad news.

  *****

  Is one Nobel Prize

  so much to ask from a child

  after all I've done?

  *****

  Today, mild shvitzing.

  Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.

  Five-day forecast: feh

  *****

  Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.

  Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah

  Oy! To be fluent!

  *****

  Quietly murmured

  at Saturday Synagogue services,

  Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

  *****

  Hard to tell under the lights.

  White Yarmulke or

  male-pattern baldness