Rainstorm

by Robert Rhodes

This room is a rainstorm, leaves and paper under foot.
This room is the psalms, penitential and bleeding,
recited here secretly for the dead. Please don’t tell.
The dead, you know, are not always aware
of their rumored predicament. Silence then. (Agreed.)

This room is where I first saw you and knew
what this room was supposed to be:
that it would be my death,
an early vespers, ending before
the lamps were even lit,

that someday it would be where I
ceased to belong to the rest of this world.
Ever since, I have left the windows open
mindful of vagrant spirits passing
and gone about my business:

writing things, listening, waiting for the day
you return to take me in your arms.
Unlost friend, oldest of all,
let us look up into the rain
together.

 

Comments

[Heather Miller]

I am in a state of grace having just read this, Bob. You did it. And I love the feeling this poem leaves with me. Everything rings exactly on key and note and tone. But you might consider some tightening in the first stanza, always the most difficult in any poem. Maybe take out "penitential and bleeding," also the last two lines, ending with the absolutely charming and shocking "Please don't tell." Then all the rest is on target, that open window, the invitation to looks up into the rain. Thanks, Bob, many many thanks.

[Bob Rhodes]

Thank you, Heather. High praise from a fabulous radio star such as yourself. I took your advice on the first stanza and you're right, as always. Much better.

[Susan Allen]

Yes, I agree - this is very elegant, as always, and lovely - the only place I really stumble is in the first stanza, over those last two lines, esp. the parenthetical "Agreed." The rest is just splendid to me.

[Franz K. Baskett]

I agree with Heather that the eligiac tone is exactly the right frequency. That's har to maintain. And I also agreee with her thoughts on the 1st stanza. "Don't tell" is charming.

[Bob Rhodes]

Thank you, Franz and Susan. This was the first poem I wrote in 2011. Nothing else has measured up so far. I'm glad you all liked it. I wasn't sure if I quite sold it.

[Kathryn Gessner]

The gentleness and tenderness of this poem is its greatest beauty. As if the poem is being kind to all our dear hearts, especially to the heart of its poet. My favorite line: "mindful of vagrant spirits passing." Love that.

[Chris Boese]

Bob, I am late coming to this poem, but I just wanted to thank you for the gift that it is.

The opening just catches me up, disarming, with no sense of where it is going (a good thing), and all I can do is just ride along, amazed.

Thank you so much.